2020.1.31 The 8th Day of the Wuhan City Closure 日记原文于下
I got some more bad news. Another friend was diagnosed and has already gone to the hospital. The news came through some mutual friends, so I don’t know yet whether the diagnosis has been confirmed using the nucleic acid test. However, with hospital beds being in such great demand these days, it couldn’t be just a mild case. This friend is younger than me. I don’t know what I can say. I just hope he wins this fight. An office colleague of one of my friends has also been diagnosed. He was very upset but I couldn’t think of anything to say to help calm him down.
Among my friends who seem to be able to accept and understand new information, it seems that the more people understand, the more they feel that all they can do is to put their trust in God and pray for God’s mercy. Without that, what can we do? Have regrets? Why did I go to the meeting that day? Why did I go to see that performance? Why did I want to work overtime?
— But we just don’t know! Nobody told us.
We got word from our friends these past two days that their food supplies are running low or that they are eating instant noodles. This makes me sad. I’ve been asking myself recently: Those two days when I was stocking up, why didn’t I sent a reminder to my friends? Was I being too selfish? Then I remembered that I had been focusing on convincing my parents to wear masks, to trust me, and to start purchasing supplies… Truth be told, I myself didn’t wasn’t too sure of myself when my whole family had doubts about what I was saying and was putting pressure on me.
But what if I had been 100% sure? Would I have chosen to remind them? I’m afraid I’d still have been cautious about doing that, for the more profound reason that I don’t want others to think of me as a gloomy person filled with “negative energy”. The same goes when I am faced with notions that I don’t agree with. I wouldn’t stand up and argue with people.
Although I would inwardly feel like turning my nose up at them, I would instead have a polite smile on my face. Given that I am and for a foreseeable long future will be trapped in such a group or atmosphere, I have to be gregarious and conceal my sharp edges and many of my thoughts. I’ve gotten used to censoring myself and knowing when to keep my mouth shut. I always feel torn apart by these conflicts. I understand full well that I am powerless. Knowing that about myself make me very sad.
Yesterday, I saw someone in our local Wechat group asking for help. This person’s mother was diagnosed with cancer. She lives in the Wuhan suburbs, and is scheduled to go to the hospital in Wuhan for treatment every week. After the abrupt shutdown, they of course not able to find an easy way to enter the city. Delaying her treatments could have dire consequences. We chat group members got very worried. Strangers who have never met put their heads together to create a plan. Some even suggested to help her take her mother all the way to the city border, and have somebody from within the city pick the patient up. With everyone’s help, this problem was solved.
But I couldn’t help but ponder on how many other people would find themselves in a similar situation.
Another friend’s grandmother is nearly ninety. She who lives alone on a university campus in a dormitory for teachers and staff. The school was closed recently when suspected cases were identified there. My friend was worried that her grandmother was left all alone, and reached out to the school and to the community for help, only to be told “we cannot help”. She said she will go there herself tomorrow. This is a hard decision for her to make. She has kids at home. Leave them to go all by herself to an area that closed due to confirmed coronavirus diagnoses is hard.
Getting medical treatment for patients and take care of the elderly are among the many everyday issues that the coronavirus outbreak has made harder.
Many more difficult issues are cropping up as well.
For instance, overnight almost all hospitals in China are searching for medical supplies. This is happening in many places, from the hardest-hit area of Wuhan and Hubei Province including even the national capital Beijing and the cities of Guangzhou and Chongqing as well. It seems as if the warehouses of all the hospitals are empty.
If there had been no outbreak, who could ever have imagined that that would happen? I am afraid that even writers with the darkest sense of humor couldn’t have come up with a story like that.
But now that we know the problem, can we solve it?
1月31日 武汉封城第9天
今天妈妈起床不是很舒服，她感觉有点发热，我一听就很紧张。毕竟我们自我隔离也才8天时间，还不到潜伏期中位数（9天）。
更糟糕的是，家里的水银温度计前两天被我失手打坏了，现在没有办法量体温。花了整个中午的时间研究如何线上买到体温计，结果就是——买不到。我家附近的药店断货了，武汉本地网店有货的不发顺丰，其它快递又不送货了。
陆续还收到几个不太好的消息，外地的姨妈昨天住院了，听堂姐说CT检查肺部有症状，还在排队等核酸检测是不是新型肺炎，姨妈月初时是来过武汉的，现在不能完全排除。
妈妈一听就哭了……
好在那边的医院床位没有武汉这么紧张，还能顺利住院。姨妈年纪大了，希望不会有事。
傍晚又听说，同办公室还有其他同事疑似了。
不慌乱是不可能的，尤其是病毒仍在变异，各人的症状不一定完全相同，像我这样只咳嗽不发烧是不是就能完全排除呢？现在也说不好。
想要确认自己是否中招，还是需要去医院检查。但是我家附近没有能做CT的小医院，几个大医院都是人满为患。反复权衡，我觉得还是继续在家观察比较好，毕竟我没有N95口罩，现在去医院风险太高了。
不过因为持续咳嗽，我也按照公司要求进行了上报。
今天是年初七，按照原计划，应该正式开工上班。
虽然在家，也一样是要工作的。上午开了视频会议，去年底加班做的全年计划和第一季度的计划，自然都是要全部推翻重来了，但是新的计划要从什么节点开始，现在大家也都很茫然。
茫然的又何止这些呢？各项行政类的事务，如工资、绩效、休息、加班、年假……都是悬而未决，前几天还听说有的公司可能安排开工后每周工作6天，直到补齐这段“封城”时间为止。
当然，一切还都是传言和猜测。
可能是因为大家都很茫然，也可能是因为同事的确诊，领导并没有下达什么实质性的工作指令，嘱咐大家保重。
今年的经济自然会大受影响，公司也不是慈善组织，惟愿后面可以有一些政策上的倾斜扶持吧。
这几天看新闻也总会想到，医疗用品厂家春节期间一直在加班加点生产，另一方面又要求口罩不能涨价，那么春节期间工人的3倍工资是否能保障呢？医疗用品厂家也不是做慈善的呀。
正在写这篇日记时，群里弹出消息，协和医院在下午收到物资了，物资来源是华中科技大学校友会的捐赠，而非红十字会。
（中国）红十字会，我从骨子里是不信任的。
08年汶川地震，那时候我还在读书，家里经济条件不太好，学费是靠国家助学贷款。但是地震发生后，我和家人也捐了钱给了红十字会，虽然不多，但对当时的我而言已是尽了全力。
然而第二年地震周年祭时，我从网上看到了一组北川等地政府在地震后新购的豪车——如果说要为我的“觉悟”找一个时间点，我想就是这个时候了。
地震救灾物资直到14年还有后续，有人发现四川当地的红十字会仓库里居然还有6年前各地捐赠的救灾物资，并且很多都已过期报废了。
意外吗？我觉得一点也不意外。
但若要说武汉红十字会真的什么都不行，我也要替他们不服，毕竟通过我这几天观察，他们写“辟谣”文案还是非常有效率的。
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